Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How to deal with ex-husband?

I've been separated over a year, trying to get divorced(husband keeps contesting...). My ex was abusive, both physically and emotionally, he was a liar,cheater, thief, drug-addict and just not a good person. He finally left me for someone else and even went as far as taking our child's money I had put aside for daycare to leave me. He wasn't working, and I paid all the bills at that time.





We've finally come to an agreement regarding custody of our 1 yr old, with me having sole legal and physical, and he only gets some access every other weekend, supervised pending completion of his anger management therapy. NOW he keeps emailing me (our custody agreement clearly states he has to communicate by phone to set up access), getting mad at because I don't answer (he sends about 3 emails in 1 hour, while I'm at work). He threatens me, that he's going to take me to court to getcustody (he won't ever have it either..ehe).





He threatens, yells, fails to pay his child support, insults me, tries to get information on my private life, if he learns I have male friends he threatens that he will get custody because it's ';not fair'; that one day another man might play a bgger part of our child's life... he tries to control who I see, when, where I work, where I can live, etc. I've told him a million times that he can only talk to me about our child, the rest has nothing to do with him and is none of his business..





Well, now when he calls to set up access, he keeps whining that he has a big lawyer bill (THEY complicated things, screwed up papers, took months to do something simple), that his dad and him aren't speaking, etc... trying to get simpathy from me.





How do I deal with him? I've told him I didn't care about anything in his life except when it comes to our child and that he could only speak about our child. Then he kept going on and on about his 2000$ bill from the lawyer, and lots of other stuff. I remind him, over and over again, that I don't give a f*ck. I've had to hang up on him many times because he cannot comprehend that he isn`t the ';master'; of my life and that I have NO pity for him, he put himself in the position he's in.. karma's a b*tch...





So, any advice on how to deal? I ignore the emails, never answer, but I'm getting tired of it all!!!How to deal with ex-husband?
Ignore all email, give him no details at all on your personal life and keep all communication short and specific. Don't listen to his dribble, just about the custody.





Deal with him by taking control of the situation and not putting up with him. He does not belong in any of your personal life. If he starts talking about who you are dating . . .hang up. Your job . . . hang up. If he starts sending harassing emails, print them out and bring them to court to get a restraining order. Show him your in control and mean business.How to deal with ex-husband?
E mail is a good thing. then you have a record of what he is saying unlike the telephone ( unless you are recording everything)


ignore the stuff that doesnt concern you ( the attorney bills, not speaking to his father) and just stick to what concerns you .. when he will or will ot be able to see his child.
Keep track of every email - print them out. Keep track of every time he calls you at work or emails you at work. Take those back to the court - tell them he is endangering your job. The court will NOT take it lightly since he has already been warned.
Have your attorney write a cease and desist letter and get an order of protection from the police.
Familiar story. If it's that bad maybe you could try and get him sectioned so he has to spend some time in a mental health institute.He doesn't sound rational.
if he won't stop then get a pfa against him. as for the phone call as soon as he starts to talk about anything but your son tell him once to stop and if he won't stop just hang up. good luck
Speak to him for once and for all and clear everything.
First of all, if this continues, get a restraining order issued against him. If that doesn't stop it, talk to your attorney and see if it's possible for you to leave the area with your child. If it is, you'll probably have to go to court to get the judges permission and some states require that you notify the other parent in advance but, I'd move away where he can't afford to come and harass you anymore and raise your child there without his father in his life as much as possible.
I think you need to put some kind of restraining order on him so he cant contact you in anyway and if he does then its a violation and lock his *** up...if he left you for someone else then he shouldnt be worrieda bout you and your personal life..and i understand a lot of what you are going through because im going through it also.
For starters, you need to keep all his e-mails, print them up and take them to have a restraining order put on him. You don't have to be the one to take that child to his visitations. All you have to do is make the child available. Like in asking someone else to take the child for you. Second, you can talk to your employer about changing your e-mail account and explain why. I am sure he can work something out with you. Thirdly, I would start to look at the possibility of moving to another town or state to get away from him. He cannot stop you.





He has lost control of you and does not like it. He is trying to intimidate you so he can keep his control. Stand up for yourself and your child and let him know you are tired of his crap and will not take it anymore. But, you will have to do it with the law as he will not listen to you.
Talk to your lawyer about it. He's in contempt, and he can get in trouble for that. You could have a protective order taken out on him just for you. When I was done with my abusive ex I had a personal protective order against him. The only time he could come near me or talk to me was about the child and if he didn't follow the rule he would get hauled off to jail. Seriously, talk to your lawyer about the harrassment and see what he suggests.
I would repost this in law and ethics. I think you need to take some kind of legal action against him. What a frickin pain in the butt you married. If there's some way you could find to not allow him to see the child at all it would be good. He sounds like he's not mentally stable.
change your email. if he is harrassing on the phone, either record it everytime, or change the number. the court says to contact by phone, but if he harrasses, then its within your legal rights to change it. cut him off cold. do not talk to him at all. make him go through someone else at all times. eventually he will get the point and let you go. document, document, document. every little thing. he is only hurting himself in the long run.
keep on keepin' on. keep reminding him that he doesn't and will never control your life. keep all conversation geared toward the child and let him know that you don't want to hear about his $ woes. Good Job so far, keep up the good work.
my advice is to keep a copy of all these emails as a judge needs to read this and i get a order to stop any contact with him and if u think ur kids are in any danger i ask a judge to stop acess to they are adults


Ive been here and had to do this it draining ur story very simullar i ended up full custody and he not allowed near the kids as he deemed unfit.do not get me wrong i never do this or less i really believed as did the judge he was unhinged as kids do need dads were possible but they got a great grandfather so they fine
Obviously trying to be civilized is not working plus this thing seems to be escalating! His hate for you could end up convincing him to harm the child, BEWARE! Even if he loves his child his anger towards you could push him to hurting you the only way he knows he will be effective! I suggest you document all this as best as you can through saving the e-mails, recording the calls etc.... (Make sure your state allows for one party recording) then find a way so that he can not see the child unless it is through a social worker (supervised visits), Be careful, do not dismiss this, I heard the same complaints from a woman days before her ex murdered her three daughters and himself, true story! PLEASE be careful!
For some reason, you fell in love with this man and genuinely loved him to want tot mother a child with him. However, something has gone terribly wrong, and being that you are the only one in the thick of it, you should have seen the tell tale signs quick enough to stop it. If not, the first smack, slap, punch or kick should have given it away.


Anyway, turn the tables around and imagine the betrayal you might feel if you were only able to see your child when some stranger must be present in the room. It is not a nice situation to be in and can bring abut more friction in al already explosive situation.


While I am not trying to support either of you (parents) in your individual approaches, I think you can find something in you that kindled your love and work backwards from there. There must have been a common dream you both had to start with. When you reckon you are both three, maybe you can re-negotiate your mutual terms or relationship, for all three of you.


For now, however, I hope your new partner is giving you the support you deserve. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a straight answer, life a a collage of complications.
Wow you have your hands full... If he is threatening you or harrassing you. You can get an order of protection against him. That is wrong what he is doing and he is clearly sick in the head and abusive. Been there done that... He lack of responsibility is not your responsibility... If he calls you and wants to talk about anything other then the child hang up. write everything down he does, or send you seriously take it in and get an order of protection. Then ask to have the child either dropped of by a third party maybe that way you also avoid seeing him then. Make sure you keep a record of everything though you'll need it for your Order of protection hearing and any witness's. Good luck!
be grateful for what you have. raise the child with as much love as possible. do not give your former husband a hard time. the axe falls.

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