Monday, August 16, 2010

How do you deal with ex's who never accept culpability?

Especially if there are children involved. I find it really stressful. The culpability is obvious but if the ex never accepts it, it can never change and you feel like you're just bashing your head against the wall. And as it usually goes, these kinds of people are hypocrites and just blame you. How do you deal with it? Just ignore? Limit communication to the absolute bear minimum for your sanity? Advice please.How do you deal with ex's who never accept culpability?
you pick your battles and you don't nit pick the small stuff. so yes, you limit communication to the bare minimum.





How they are dressed is a small issue. Commenting on how the ex dresses them is looking to pick a fight especially when you know that the ex is going to go on the defensive and turn it around on you.


dressing the children poorly relfects poorly on the parent who did it, not the children themselves and not you. You dress them how you want and let the ex dress them how the ex wants. Eventually the kids will be old enough to dress themselves and can pick and choose their own clothes.





save your disagreements for the big things, like: poor grades and the ex not encouraging them to do their homework or school work. or the ex letting them stay out until all hours and use drugs and drink alcohol and let their BFs or GFs spend the night and have sex in their house.





looking like ragamuffins is small potatoes, let it go.





edit:


hey I didn't say it wasn't going to be frustrating. sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and push past. Biting your tongue is never easy or satisfying in the short term, but it really pays off in the long run.





I remember my parents having a similar arguement. I swear neither one of them could let anything go and they had to get their little digs in at each other.





we finally had 2 sets of clothes. Weekend clothes left at my dad's house and school clothes left at my mom's house. and never did the weekend clothes leave my father's house and the school clothes were on our backs when we were returned to our mother's house. That stopped that arguement. but there were others equally trivial.





They didn't stop until she was diagnosed w/ cancer and she realized that she had a bigger fight to deal with than him and she stopped letting him bait her. once he realized he couldn't get a rise out of her, he stopped.





don't let a life threatening illness be your wake up call. Find your zen when you know you have to deal with the ex and don't respond to him/her.How do you deal with ex's who never accept culpability?
Don't let the ex turn your life into chaos. You're the one who's opening the door to this, there's no fixing unless you're willing to give him the time of the day, which I don't think your husband would appreciate. Just keep it to a bare minimum, ignore everything else, take pictures of things you find wrong so you have proof of things in case this turns even uglier in the future.

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